Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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