Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
