Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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