my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
