so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
