and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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