May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
