Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
