Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
