I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
