Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
