I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
