I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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