I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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