I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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