I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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