At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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