Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
