I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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