that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
