Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
