Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
