I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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