so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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