I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
