11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i will never coherently bang her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
