he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
