remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Four minutes until I can fart!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
