Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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