but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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