dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
