and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
