Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
