Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
