I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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