I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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