He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
