Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
