So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
