So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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