I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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