Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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