i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Randomize
