im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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