so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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