On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
