you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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