Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
