sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
