I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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